Original: Might As Well
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.” Well, the boss likes the kid so he gives him a job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we [...]
среда, 31 декабря 2008 г.
вторник, 30 декабря 2008 г.
Question & Answer About Lawyers
Original: Question & Answer About Lawyers
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the [...]
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the [...]
понедельник, 29 декабря 2008 г.
Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs
Original: Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs
Tech support guys have to deal with lot of silly people. Following are some true conversation recorded . Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ——————————————————————————– Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make [...]
Tech support guys have to deal with lot of silly people. Following are some true conversation recorded . Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ——————————————————————————– Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make [...]
суббота, 27 декабря 2008 г.
How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket
Original: How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink [...]
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink [...]
пятница, 26 декабря 2008 г.
I need it to poison my husband
Original: I need it to poison my husband
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, [...]
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, [...]
четверг, 25 декабря 2008 г.
Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus
Original: Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]
среда, 24 декабря 2008 г.
Santa Claus Jokes
Original: Santa Claus Jokes
Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! (that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*) Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel! What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam” What do you get if you cross Father [...]
Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! (that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*) Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel! What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam” What do you get if you cross Father [...]
вторник, 23 декабря 2008 г.
Actual School Excuse Notes
Original: Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on [...]
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on [...]
понедельник, 22 декабря 2008 г.
The Morning After
Original: The Morning After
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning came, and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she got [...]
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning came, and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she got [...]
воскресенье, 21 декабря 2008 г.
The Mistress
Original: The Mistress
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. “Who was that?” the wife demanded. “If you must know,” the husband replied, “that was my mistress.” “Your mistress? That’s it! I want a divorce!” the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight [...]
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. “Who was that?” the wife demanded. “If you must know,” the husband replied, “that was my mistress.” “Your mistress? That’s it! I want a divorce!” the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight [...]
суббота, 20 декабря 2008 г.
That’s Bull
Original: That's Bull
A man takes his wife to the cattle market. They come up to a bull, and his sign says, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year; you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull, and his sign says, [...]
A man takes his wife to the cattle market. They come up to a bull, and his sign says, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year; you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull, and his sign says, [...]
пятница, 19 декабря 2008 г.
Young Secretary
Original: Young Secretary
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they’re both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first. Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So, what did you think?” asks the partner. “Ah,” replies the first partner, “my wife [...]
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they’re both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first. Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So, what did you think?” asks the partner. “Ah,” replies the first partner, “my wife [...]
четверг, 18 декабря 2008 г.
Some Amazing Bumper Stickers
Original: Some Amazing Bumper Stickers
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they [...]
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they [...]
среда, 17 декабря 2008 г.
Tricking a Nun
Original: Tricking a Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to [...]
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to [...]
вторник, 16 декабря 2008 г.
Any Objections
Original: Any Objections
Brad had a blind date with Angelina for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That’s something I have never done before,” Angelina replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” [...]
Brad had a blind date with Angelina for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That’s something I have never done before,” Angelina replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” [...]
понедельник, 15 декабря 2008 г.
Sleeping Katie
Original: Sleeping Katie
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. “Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie. “Correct.” Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who [...]
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. “Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie. “Correct.” Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who [...]
воскресенье, 14 декабря 2008 г.
McDonalds Job Application
Original: McDonalds Job Application
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: ******** SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But currently, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to [...]
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: ******** SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But currently, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to [...]
суббота, 13 декабря 2008 г.
Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors
Original: Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors
At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments/General Motors issued a press release stating [...]
At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments/General Motors issued a press release stating [...]
четверг, 11 декабря 2008 г.
The student, the businessman and the biker
Original: The student, the businessman and the biker
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bora Bora “Shit if she doesnt like the necklace [...]
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bora Bora “Shit if she doesnt like the necklace [...]
среда, 10 декабря 2008 г.
The Talking Clock
Original: The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering [...]
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering [...]
Old People Football
Original: Old People Football
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, [...]
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, [...]
вторник, 9 декабря 2008 г.
Real Quotes From Court
Original: Real Quotes From Court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, [...]
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, [...]
понедельник, 8 декабря 2008 г.
Too Good to Eat
Original: Too Good to Eat
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, [...]
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, [...]
воскресенье, 7 декабря 2008 г.
Pet shop
Original: Pet shop
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
суббота, 6 декабря 2008 г.
Pet shop
Original: Pet shop
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
пятница, 5 декабря 2008 г.
Christmas Mail
Original: Christmas Mail
One christmas morning, a mailman in a little town is forced to go to work. During his route he is cursing everyone he sees, because nobody is working but him. He gets to the last house on his route, and when he knocks on the door a naked woman answers. Before he can say a word, she [...]
One christmas morning, a mailman in a little town is forced to go to work. During his route he is cursing everyone he sees, because nobody is working but him. He gets to the last house on his route, and when he knocks on the door a naked woman answers. Before he can say a word, she [...]
среда, 3 декабря 2008 г.
Dying Irishman
Original: Dying Irishman
An Irishman was very ill and on the verge of dying. The doctor called the man’s wife in and said,”There are three things that you can do to help your husband back to health” “What are they, sir?” “One: You must make him three huge meals every day. Two: Never argue with him. Three: Make love to him every [...]
An Irishman was very ill and on the verge of dying. The doctor called the man’s wife in and said,”There are three things that you can do to help your husband back to health” “What are they, sir?” “One: You must make him three huge meals every day. Two: Never argue with him. Three: Make love to him every [...]
вторник, 2 декабря 2008 г.
Grandmother’s Dating Advice
Original: Grandmother's Dating Advice
There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him [...]
There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him [...]
понедельник, 1 декабря 2008 г.
Funny Quotes By Famous People
Original: Funny Quotes By Famous People
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… –Sir Norman Wisdom One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. –Edgar Watson Howe A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your [...]
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… –Sir Norman Wisdom One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. –Edgar Watson Howe A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your [...]
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