Original: Might As Well
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.” Well, the boss likes the kid so he gives him a job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we [...]
среда, 31 декабря 2008 г.
вторник, 30 декабря 2008 г.
Question & Answer About Lawyers
Original: Question & Answer About Lawyers
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the [...]
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the [...]
понедельник, 29 декабря 2008 г.
Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs
Original: Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs
Tech support guys have to deal with lot of silly people. Following are some true conversation recorded . Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ——————————————————————————– Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make [...]
Tech support guys have to deal with lot of silly people. Following are some true conversation recorded . Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ——————————————————————————– Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make [...]
суббота, 27 декабря 2008 г.
How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket
Original: How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink [...]
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink [...]
пятница, 26 декабря 2008 г.
I need it to poison my husband
Original: I need it to poison my husband
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, [...]
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, [...]
четверг, 25 декабря 2008 г.
Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus
Original: Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]
среда, 24 декабря 2008 г.
Santa Claus Jokes
Original: Santa Claus Jokes
Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! (that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*) Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel! What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam” What do you get if you cross Father [...]
Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! (that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*) Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel! What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam” What do you get if you cross Father [...]
вторник, 23 декабря 2008 г.
Actual School Excuse Notes
Original: Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on [...]
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on [...]
понедельник, 22 декабря 2008 г.
The Morning After
Original: The Morning After
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning came, and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she got [...]
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning came, and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she got [...]
воскресенье, 21 декабря 2008 г.
The Mistress
Original: The Mistress
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. “Who was that?” the wife demanded. “If you must know,” the husband replied, “that was my mistress.” “Your mistress? That’s it! I want a divorce!” the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight [...]
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. “Who was that?” the wife demanded. “If you must know,” the husband replied, “that was my mistress.” “Your mistress? That’s it! I want a divorce!” the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight [...]
суббота, 20 декабря 2008 г.
That’s Bull
Original: That's Bull
A man takes his wife to the cattle market. They come up to a bull, and his sign says, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year; you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull, and his sign says, [...]
A man takes his wife to the cattle market. They come up to a bull, and his sign says, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year; you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull, and his sign says, [...]
пятница, 19 декабря 2008 г.
Young Secretary
Original: Young Secretary
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they’re both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first. Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So, what did you think?” asks the partner. “Ah,” replies the first partner, “my wife [...]
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they’re both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first. Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So, what did you think?” asks the partner. “Ah,” replies the first partner, “my wife [...]
четверг, 18 декабря 2008 г.
Some Amazing Bumper Stickers
Original: Some Amazing Bumper Stickers
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they [...]
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they [...]
среда, 17 декабря 2008 г.
Tricking a Nun
Original: Tricking a Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to [...]
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to [...]
вторник, 16 декабря 2008 г.
Any Objections
Original: Any Objections
Brad had a blind date with Angelina for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That’s something I have never done before,” Angelina replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” [...]
Brad had a blind date with Angelina for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That’s something I have never done before,” Angelina replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” [...]
понедельник, 15 декабря 2008 г.
Sleeping Katie
Original: Sleeping Katie
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. “Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie. “Correct.” Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who [...]
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. “Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie. “Correct.” Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who [...]
воскресенье, 14 декабря 2008 г.
McDonalds Job Application
Original: McDonalds Job Application
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: ******** SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But currently, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to [...]
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: ******** SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But currently, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to [...]
суббота, 13 декабря 2008 г.
Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors
Original: Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors
At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments/General Motors issued a press release stating [...]
At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments/General Motors issued a press release stating [...]
четверг, 11 декабря 2008 г.
The student, the businessman and the biker
Original: The student, the businessman and the biker
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bora Bora “Shit if she doesnt like the necklace [...]
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bora Bora “Shit if she doesnt like the necklace [...]
среда, 10 декабря 2008 г.
The Talking Clock
Original: The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering [...]
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering [...]
Old People Football
Original: Old People Football
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, [...]
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, [...]
вторник, 9 декабря 2008 г.
Real Quotes From Court
Original: Real Quotes From Court
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, [...]
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, [...]
понедельник, 8 декабря 2008 г.
Too Good to Eat
Original: Too Good to Eat
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, [...]
A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, [...]
воскресенье, 7 декабря 2008 г.
Pet shop
Original: Pet shop
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
суббота, 6 декабря 2008 г.
Pet shop
Original: Pet shop
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]
пятница, 5 декабря 2008 г.
Christmas Mail
Original: Christmas Mail
One christmas morning, a mailman in a little town is forced to go to work. During his route he is cursing everyone he sees, because nobody is working but him. He gets to the last house on his route, and when he knocks on the door a naked woman answers. Before he can say a word, she [...]
One christmas morning, a mailman in a little town is forced to go to work. During his route he is cursing everyone he sees, because nobody is working but him. He gets to the last house on his route, and when he knocks on the door a naked woman answers. Before he can say a word, she [...]
среда, 3 декабря 2008 г.
Dying Irishman
Original: Dying Irishman
An Irishman was very ill and on the verge of dying. The doctor called the man’s wife in and said,”There are three things that you can do to help your husband back to health” “What are they, sir?” “One: You must make him three huge meals every day. Two: Never argue with him. Three: Make love to him every [...]
An Irishman was very ill and on the verge of dying. The doctor called the man’s wife in and said,”There are three things that you can do to help your husband back to health” “What are they, sir?” “One: You must make him three huge meals every day. Two: Never argue with him. Three: Make love to him every [...]
вторник, 2 декабря 2008 г.
Grandmother’s Dating Advice
Original: Grandmother's Dating Advice
There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him [...]
There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him [...]
понедельник, 1 декабря 2008 г.
Funny Quotes By Famous People
Original: Funny Quotes By Famous People
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… –Sir Norman Wisdom One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. –Edgar Watson Howe A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your [...]
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… –Sir Norman Wisdom One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. –Edgar Watson Howe A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your [...]
воскресенье, 30 ноября 2008 г.
Drug Trial
Original: Drug Trial
A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, “Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?” “No sir,” answered the man. “Did you ever get any from his wife?” “No sir.” “Did you ever get any from his daughters?” “Uh–excuse me sir,” the witness [...]
A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, “Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?” “No sir,” answered the man. “Did you ever get any from his wife?” “No sir.” “Did you ever get any from his daughters?” “Uh–excuse me sir,” the witness [...]
суббота, 29 ноября 2008 г.
Applicants For Mars Trip
Original: Applicants For Mars Trip
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. [...]
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. [...]
пятница, 28 ноября 2008 г.
Funny Church Bulletins
Original: Funny Church Bulletins
The following are the announcements that actually appeared in various church bulletins around the world. If you think deeply you will see the humor. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google. Remember in prayer the many [...]
The following are the announcements that actually appeared in various church bulletins around the world. If you think deeply you will see the humor. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google. Remember in prayer the many [...]
среда, 26 ноября 2008 г.
вторник, 25 ноября 2008 г.
What Am I Doing?
Original: What Am I Doing?
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, “Do you understand what I am doing?” “Yes,” the patient answered. “You’re checking for dermatological abrasions. “Correct,” the doctor lied. Next, he fondled her [...]
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, “Do you understand what I am doing?” “Yes,” the patient answered. “You’re checking for dermatological abrasions. “Correct,” the doctor lied. Next, he fondled her [...]
понедельник, 24 ноября 2008 г.
Confession
Original: Confession
Lisa was on her deathbed, with her husband John at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “John,” she said quietly. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “John,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There is [...]
Lisa was on her deathbed, with her husband John at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “John,” she said quietly. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “John,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There is [...]
воскресенье, 23 ноября 2008 г.
Blonde at the Casino
Original: Blonde at the Casino
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude. With that, she stripped from the [...]
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude. With that, she stripped from the [...]
суббота, 22 ноября 2008 г.
Funny Answering Machine Messages
Original: Funny Answering Machine Messages
Hi. Now you say something. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t [...]
Hi. Now you say something. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t [...]
пятница, 21 ноября 2008 г.
Doctor’s Diagnosis
Original: Doctor's Diagnosis
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die.” 1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2. [...]
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die.” 1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2. [...]
четверг, 20 ноября 2008 г.
Good News - Bad News
Original: Good News - Bad News
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build [...]
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build [...]
среда, 19 ноября 2008 г.
Get me a Beer
Original: Get me a Beer
Keith comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and [...]
Keith comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and [...]
вторник, 18 ноября 2008 г.
The New BMW
Original: The New BMW
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my new BMW!!!”, [...]
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my new BMW!!!”, [...]
понедельник, 17 ноября 2008 г.
Military Courage
Original: Military Courage
Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.” “Ha!” said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.” Army calls a Private over from the tower. [...]
Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.” “Ha!” said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.” Army calls a Private over from the tower. [...]
воскресенье, 16 ноября 2008 г.
Football Try-Outs
Original: Football Try-Outs
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a [...]
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a [...]
Romantic 1st lines - Deadly 2nd lines
Original: Romantic 1st lines - Deadly 2nd lines
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, [...]
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, [...]
пятница, 14 ноября 2008 г.
The Genie
Original: The Genie
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through the [...]
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through the [...]
четверг, 13 ноября 2008 г.
Easy Money
Original: Easy Money
This woman had just gotten out of the shower when her husband went in. Suddenly the door bell rang, so she put on a towel and went downstairs. When she opened the door it was the next-door neighbor Rob. “I’ll give you $500 if you’ll drop the towel,” Rob said. So she dropped the towel, grabbed the $500, then [...]
This woman had just gotten out of the shower when her husband went in. Suddenly the door bell rang, so she put on a towel and went downstairs. When she opened the door it was the next-door neighbor Rob. “I’ll give you $500 if you’ll drop the towel,” Rob said. So she dropped the towel, grabbed the $500, then [...]
среда, 12 ноября 2008 г.
Deadly shot
Original: Deadly shot
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What [...]
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What [...]
вторник, 11 ноября 2008 г.
Smart kid
Original: Smart kid
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Is your Daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” To the surprise of the boss, the [...]
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Is your Daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” To the surprise of the boss, the [...]
One Line Jokes
Original: One Line Jokes
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but [...]
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but [...]
понедельник, 10 ноября 2008 г.
Aliens are Sneaky
Original: Aliens are Sneaky
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks “You guys have no genitalia, how [...]
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks “You guys have no genitalia, how [...]
воскресенье, 9 ноября 2008 г.
Funny Chinese Proverbs
Original: Funny Chinese Proverbs
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run [...]
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run [...]
Some Funny Laws
Original: Some Funny Laws
Funny ….but how true !!!! O’brien’s Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Cannon’s Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre. Kovac’s Conundrum: When [...]
Funny ….but how true !!!! O’brien’s Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Cannon’s Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre. Kovac’s Conundrum: When [...]
пятница, 7 ноября 2008 г.
25 signs that you have grown up
Original: 25 signs that you have grown up
Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and [...]
Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 6:00AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. You watch the Weather Channel. Your friends marry and [...]
четверг, 6 ноября 2008 г.
Crazy facts
Original: Crazy facts
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon. Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day. Every year the sun loses 360 million tons. If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate [...]
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon. Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day. Every year the sun loses 360 million tons. If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate [...]
Long happy life
Original: Long happy life
A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?” “I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day”, she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle [...]
A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?” “I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day”, she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle [...]
среда, 5 ноября 2008 г.
Winter blonde
Original: Winter blonde
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker ignores her and proceeds [...]
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker ignores her and proceeds [...]
вторник, 4 ноября 2008 г.
The blind man and his dog
Original: The blind man and his dog
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns [...]
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns [...]
понедельник, 3 ноября 2008 г.
Sarah Palin Got Pranked
Original: Sarah Palin Got Pranked
A Quebec comedy duo notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state has reached Sarah Palin, convincing the Republican vice-presidential nominee she was speaking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy.
A Quebec comedy duo notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state has reached Sarah Palin, convincing the Republican vice-presidential nominee she was speaking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy.
Why it’s better to be a guy
Original: Why it's better to be a guy
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to [...]
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to [...]
воскресенье, 2 ноября 2008 г.
Student Report Cards
Original: Student Report Cards
These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards. 1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low [...]
These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards. 1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low [...]
четверг, 30 октября 2008 г.
Funny SMS
Original: Funny SMS
Following are the list of some funny SMS. Text these and spread the humour. It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet! I’ve been arrested for being the ugliest person in Britain, can u cum down the police station and show them [...]
Following are the list of some funny SMS. Text these and spread the humour. It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet! I’ve been arrested for being the ugliest person in Britain, can u cum down the police station and show them [...]
вторник, 28 октября 2008 г.
Funny Interview Questions and Answers
Original: Funny Interview Questions and Answers
How to Answer the Tough Interview Questions A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants: Why [...]
How to Answer the Tough Interview Questions A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants: Why [...]
понедельник, 27 октября 2008 г.
Final examination
Original: Final examination
Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No [...]
Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No [...]
суббота, 25 октября 2008 г.
The Busy Barber
Original: The Busy Barber
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks [...]
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks [...]
четверг, 23 октября 2008 г.
Getting On The Bus
Original: Getting On The Bus
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to [...]
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to [...]
First day at job
Original: First day at job
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee….. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know whom you’re talking to?” “No” replied the [...]
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee….. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know whom you’re talking to?” “No” replied the [...]
среда, 22 октября 2008 г.
Special ring
Original: Special ring
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I [...]
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I [...]
вторник, 21 октября 2008 г.
The Scotish Babies
Original: The Scotish Babies
In the back woods of Scotland, Ian’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a [...]
In the back woods of Scotland, Ian’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a [...]
понедельник, 20 октября 2008 г.
Pudding Surprise
Original: Pudding Surprise
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety [...]
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety [...]
пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.
Biker Doctor
Original: Biker DoctorThis retired O.B.G.Y.N doctor decides he is bored and wants to find something to do with his spare time. He always had a motorcycle and loves riding them, but never could work on them. He decided to go to school to learn to be a master motorcycle mechanic. After a couple of years of hard studying [...]
воскресенье, 5 октября 2008 г.
The Gambler
Original: The Gambler
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.” The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.” The guy [...]
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.” The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.” The guy [...]
пятница, 3 октября 2008 г.
The Haunted House
Original: The Haunted House
One stormy night an English, Irish and Scottish man were walking home and had no shelter so at the top of this big hill they found this haunted house. They were all freaked out and hesitated to go in. Eventually, the English man went in and found a five pound note sitting on the table and he [...]
One stormy night an English, Irish and Scottish man were walking home and had no shelter so at the top of this big hill they found this haunted house. They were all freaked out and hesitated to go in. Eventually, the English man went in and found a five pound note sitting on the table and he [...]
The Deadly Fruit
Original: The Deadly Fruit
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne. The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find [...]
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne. The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find [...]
четверг, 2 октября 2008 г.
The Aliens at the gas pump
Original: The Aliens at the gas pump
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed [...]
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed [...]
среда, 1 октября 2008 г.
Women Speeding
Original: Women Speeding
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I [...]
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I [...]
вторник, 30 сентября 2008 г.
The Chicken At The Movies
Original: The Chicken At The Movies
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets. “Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked. “For my pet chicken.” He said, pointing to the bird. “I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.” The man walked around the corner [...]
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets. “Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked. “For my pet chicken.” He said, pointing to the bird. “I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.” The man walked around the corner [...]
The Chicken At The Movies
Original: The Chicken At The Movies
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets. “Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked. “For my pet chicken.” He said, pointing to the bird. “I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.” The man walked around the corner [...]
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets. “Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked. “For my pet chicken.” He said, pointing to the bird. “I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.” The man walked around the corner [...]
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