Everyday jokes

Tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai

2009-02-27T06:52:00.003-08:00

Original: Tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai

Bahu: Maaji, yeh abhi tak nahi aaye, kahi koi ladki ka chakkar toh nahi hai unke ? Maaji: Are kalmuhi tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai, Ho sakta hai ke kisi truck ke niche aa gaya ho!

Sexy elephant figure

2009-02-27T06:52:00.001-08:00

Original: Sexy elephant figure

In an elephant's school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen. Then one of the elephants says: "Look yaar, 3600 - 2400 - 3600!!"

Monica and the Genie

2009-02-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

Original: Monica and the Genie

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. “Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!”, she exclaimed. “No”, said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you [...]

Funny Jokes: Lawyer jokes collection

2009-02-15T06:33:00.000-08:00

Original: Funny Jokes: Lawyer jokes collection

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”? A: There was an empty seat. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can’t understand. Q. Why is it [...]

Jokes for the Ladies

2009-02-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

Original: Jokes for the Ladies

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women? A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge. Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them. Q: Why did [...]

Indian and the Ventriloquist

2009-02-13T04:23:00.000-08:00

Original: Indian and the Ventriloquist

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he’ll have a little fun… Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?” Indian: “Dog no talk.” Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?” Dog: “Doin’ alright.” Indian: shows extreme look of shock Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner?” pointing at Indian. Dog: “Yep” Cowboy: “How [...]

50 Ways to Appreciate Life

2009-02-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Original: 50 Ways to Appreciate Life

1. Watch the sunset– on a sled. 2. Smile more, –it might get you a free beer. 3. Complain less. –It might get you a free beer. 4. Surprise a friend with a call. — It might get you a free beer. 5. Develop your gifts. — You might need them. 6. Count your blessings. — You might need these [...]

Restoring her youth

2009-02-11T06:48:00.000-08:00

Original: Restoring her youth

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery “down below” to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she’d tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke [...]

Thanks Doc

2009-02-10T05:23:00.000-08:00

Original: Thanks Doc

A patient says to his doctor, “Hey, Doc! I’ve been getting these migraines for a long time now! I can’t think straight! I need help!”. Doctor says to patient, “You know what? I used to have the same problem, and whenever I do get migraines, I go home to my wife. She cooks me my favourite [...]

Good Reasons To Be A Single Male

2009-02-09T05:14:00.000-08:00

Original: Good Reasons To Be A Single Male

Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment. I wouldn’t have to explain why I’m wearing “that” shirt with “those” pants. I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please. I could actually tell the bartender, “If anyone calls, I’m here”. I’d be painting the town instead of the house. When I get [...]

Bull Talk

2009-02-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

Original: Bull Talk

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I [...]

The Telepathic Watch

2009-02-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Original: The Telepathic Watch

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just [...]

Marketing Style : Learn from a Marwari

2009-02-05T04:29:00.001-08:00

Original: Marketing Style : Learn from a Marwari

Different Treatment

2009-02-05T04:29:00.000-08:00

Original: Different Treatment

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of [...]

She Wants What He Has

2009-02-04T05:19:00.000-08:00

Original: She Wants What He Has

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says “See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can’t have one!” The little girl runs [...]

Proud father

2009-02-03T05:58:00.000-08:00

Original: Proud father

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son. After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he’s only 4 Kg. Next day at work, the father [...]

Biblical one-liners

2009-02-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

Original: Biblical one-liners

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to [...]

Hypothetical Question

2009-02-01T06:35:00.001-08:00

Original: Hypothetical Question

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?” The father replies: “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.” The [...]

Manâs best friend

2009-01-31T04:23:00.000-08:00

Original: Man's best friend

Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn’t touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him. Bartender: “Hey pal, is something wrong?” The Guy: “Yeah, I’m really depressed” Bartender: “Why, what’s the matter?” The Guy: “I caught my wife in [...]

Best bar in the world

2009-01-30T04:22:00.000-08:00

Original: Best bar in the world

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Scotsman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another [...]

Sharing Hotel Rooms

2009-01-29T05:14:00.000-08:00

Original: Sharing Hotel Rooms

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. [...]

7 Shots of Vodka

2009-01-27T05:24:00.000-08:00

Original: 7 Shots of Vodka

Man goes to the bar and says “bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka.” The bartender says “Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that.” The man says “Just pour them.” The man takes the first shot and the bartender says “Hey, you want to talk about it”? The man says “No!” and drinks the [...]

The 12 marriages

2009-01-26T06:15:00.000-08:00

Original: The 12 marriages

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, “Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin.” This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that [...]

Signs that you may be a drunk

2009-01-25T04:59:00.000-08:00

Original: Signs that you may be a drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think [...]

17 Things NOT to say to a Cop

2009-01-23T05:25:00.000-08:00

Original: 17 Things NOT to say to a Cop

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!! 5. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? 6. I thought you had [...]

AMERICA: Passing the Blame

2009-01-22T05:25:00.000-08:00

Original: AMERICA: Passing the Blame

We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here’s a small list… If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she’s holding in her lap while driving, she blames the [...]

14 Lawyer Quick Jokes

2009-01-21T06:38:00.001-08:00

Original: 14 Lawyer Quick Jokes

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die ! What’s the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the [...]

The Gasfather

2009-01-19T05:37:00.000-08:00

Original: The Gasfather

New Excuse

2009-01-18T05:20:00.001-08:00

Original: New Excuse

A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses [...]

Fatherhood

2009-01-18T05:20:00.000-08:00

Original: Fatherhood

25 Phrases Men Canât Stand to Hear Women Say

2009-01-17T05:20:00.000-08:00

Original: 25 Phrases Men Can't Stand to Hear Women Say

It's yours. It's not yours. Whose underwear are these? My eyes are up here. You are holding the ruler backwards. I'm not exactly 18. My husband is home! You brother is better. Your sister is better. These stitches aren't from an appendix removal. Can we talk for a minute? When did you get in last night? When did you get in this morning? Why do you smell like [...]

What Would You Like To Hear When You Are In A Casket ?

2009-01-16T06:14:00.001-08:00

Original: What Would You Like To Hear When You Are In A Casket ?

Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to heaven, they are all asked, “When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first man says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a [...]

The Coke Machine

2009-01-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

Original: The Coke Machine

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics [...]

A-Z Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes

2009-01-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

Original: A-Z Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes

0-60 in 15 minutes! 100% Irony Free 100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest? 186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law! 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t. 7 days with out Jesus makes one weak A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A church alive is worth the surprise!! A [...]

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

2009-01-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

Original: 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your [...]

You Canât Make An Alcoholic Quit Drinking

2009-01-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

Original: You Can't Make An Alcoholic Quit Drinking

This guy went into the bar Friday night and ordered three beers. In fact, every Friday night he went into the bar and ordered three beers and drank them all by himself. Three beers…every Friday night. Not 2. Never 4. Always 3. Well, the bartender couldn’t figure this out. Without fail this guy always came in. The [...]

40 Things Youâd Love To Say Out Loud At Work

2009-01-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

Original: 40 Things You'd Love To Say Out Loud At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit. 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I’m really easy to get along [...]

40 Reasons To Never Leave The House

2009-01-09T05:18:00.000-08:00

Original: 40 Reasons To Never Leave The House

1. Too much sun will give you skin cancer. 2. Going out would require wearing shoes, clothes, etc. 3. An icicle might fall on your head. Those things have been known to kill, you know. 4. You have to stay home and answer the phone. What if you get a call from one of those radio contests, or something? 5. You heard that there’s [...]

Swimming Competition

2009-01-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

Original: Swimming Competition

Three women competed in the recent Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim. The brunette came in first, with the redhead a close second. Much later, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, “I don’t want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their [...]

What Do You Expect From A Blonde Kidnapper ?

2009-01-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

Original: What Do You Expect From A Blonde Kidnapper ?

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. “I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in [...]

Weird American Laws

2009-01-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

Original: Weird American Laws

Alabama In jasper, it is illigal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. It is illigal to play Dominos on Sunday. It is illigal top wear a dake moustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. Alaska In Fairbanks, it is [...]

10 Ways to Make Your Neighbor Move

2009-01-05T04:51:00.001-08:00

Original: 10 Ways to Make Your Neighbor Move

Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don’t have a phone. Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, “I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!”. Then point at each one and declare them good [...]

Choices, choices

2009-01-04T04:17:00.000-08:00

Original: Choices, choices

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill [...]

Legally Blonde

2009-01-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

Original: Legally Blonde

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in [...]

CIA test

2009-01-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

Original: CIA test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists……two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will [...]

Might As Well

2008-12-31T05:49:00.000-08:00

Original: Might As Well

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home.” Well, the boss likes the kid so he gives him a job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we [...]

Question & Answer About Lawyers

2008-12-30T06:41:00.001-08:00

Original: Question & Answer About Lawyers

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the [...]

Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs

2008-12-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

Original: Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs

Tech support guys have to deal with lot of silly people. Following are some true conversation recorded . Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one… ——————————————————————————– Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make [...]

How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket

2008-12-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

Original: How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink [...]

I need it to poison my husband

2008-12-26T06:44:00.000-08:00

Original: I need it to poison my husband

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, [...]

Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus

2008-12-25T05:35:00.000-08:00

Original: Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]

Santa Claus Jokes

2008-12-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Original: Santa Claus Jokes

Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! (that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*) Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays? At a Ho-ho-tel! What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday? “Freeze a jolly good fellow!” What does Santa put on his toast? “Jingle Jam” What do you get if you cross Father [...]

Actual School Excuse Notes

2008-12-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

Original: Actual School Excuse Notes

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country, amazingly funny: My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on [...]

The Morning After

2008-12-22T04:35:00.000-08:00

Original: The Morning After

A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning came, and the groom went into the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she got [...]

The Mistress

2008-12-21T06:27:00.000-08:00

Original: The Mistress

A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off. “Who was that?” the wife demanded. “If you must know,” the husband replied, “that was my mistress.” “Your mistress? That’s it! I want a divorce!” the wife fumed. The husband looked her straight [...]

Thatâs Bull

2008-12-20T06:56:00.001-08:00

Original: That's Bull

A man takes his wife to the cattle market. They come up to a bull, and his sign says, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year; you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull, and his sign says, [...]

Young Secretary

2008-12-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

Original: Young Secretary

Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they’re both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first. Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So, what did you think?” asks the partner. “Ah,” replies the first partner, “my wife [...]

Some Amazing Bumper Stickers

2008-12-18T06:15:00.000-08:00

Original: Some Amazing Bumper Stickers

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. Keep honking while I reload. If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy. Bad Cop! No Donut! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better I love cats … they [...]

Tricking a Nun

2008-12-17T05:20:00.000-08:00

Original: Tricking a Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to [...]

Any Objections

2008-12-16T04:45:00.000-08:00

Original: Any Objections

Brad had a blind date with Angelina for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?” “That’s something I have never done before,” Angelina replied. “Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” [...]

Sleeping Katie

2008-12-15T06:54:00.001-08:00

Original: Sleeping Katie

Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question. “Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?” Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty! !” Exclaimed Katie. “Correct.” Says the teacher. So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up “Who [...]

McDonalds Job Application

2008-12-14T05:58:00.000-08:00

Original: McDonalds Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida…and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: ******** SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But currently, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to [...]

Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors

2008-12-13T05:22:00.000-08:00

Original: Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments/General Motors issued a press release stating [...]

The student, the businessman and the biker

2008-12-11T05:50:00.001-08:00

Original: The student, the businessman and the biker

There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bora Bora “Shit if she doesnt like the necklace [...]

The Talking Clock

2008-12-10T05:20:00.001-08:00

Original: The Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering [...]

Old People Football

2008-12-10T05:20:00.000-08:00

Original: Old People Football

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, [...]

Real Quotes From Court

2008-12-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Original: Real Quotes From Court

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, [...]

Too Good to Eat

2008-12-08T04:40:00.000-08:00

Original: Too Good to Eat

A cannibal and his son are wandering through the desert and have not eaten in days. They come upon an oasis and decide to camp in the bushes till someone comes. The next morning they awake to see a beautiful woman bathing in the waterfall. As the father watches the water cascade off her body, [...]

Pet shop

2008-12-07T04:48:00.001-08:00

Original: Pet shop

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars”. “Why does the parrot cost so much,” asks the man. The shop owner says, “well, the parrot knows how to use a computer”. The man then [...]

Technical support

2008-12-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

Original: Technical support

Pet shop

2008-12-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas Mail

2008-12-05T05:28:00.000-08:00

Original: Christmas Mail

One christmas morning, a mailman in a little town is forced to go to work. During his route he is cursing everyone he sees, because nobody is working but him. He gets to the last house on his route, and when he knocks on the door a naked woman answers. Before he can say a word, she [...]

Dying Irishman

2008-12-03T06:45:00.001-08:00

Original: Dying Irishman

An Irishman was very ill and on the verge of dying. The doctor called the man’s wife in and said,”There are three things that you can do to help your husband back to health” “What are they, sir?” “One: You must make him three huge meals every day. Two: Never argue with him. Three: Make love to him every [...]

Office Chair Cum Toilet

2008-12-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

Original: Office Chair Cum Toilet

Grandmotherâs Dating Advice

2008-12-02T06:41:00.000-08:00

Original: Grandmother's Dating Advice

There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him [...]

Funny Quotes By Famous People

2008-12-01T05:48:00.000-08:00

Original: Funny Quotes By Famous People

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… –Sir Norman Wisdom One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. –Edgar Watson Howe A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your [...]

Drug Trial

2008-11-30T06:39:00.000-08:00

Original: Drug Trial

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, “Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?” “No sir,” answered the man. “Did you ever get any from his wife?” “No sir.” “Did you ever get any from his daughters?” “Uh–excuse me sir,” the witness [...]

Teamwork Explained

2008-11-29T04:40:00.001-08:00

Original: Teamwork Explained

Applicants For Mars Trip

2008-11-29T04:40:00.000-08:00

Original: Applicants For Mars Trip

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. [...]

Dude Transports 20 bricks on his head

2008-11-28T06:59:00.002-08:00

Original: Dude Transports 20 bricks on his head

Funny Church Bulletins

2008-11-28T06:59:00.001-08:00

Original: Funny Church Bulletins

The following are the announcements that actually appeared in various church bulletins around the world. If you think deeply you will see the humor. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google. Remember in prayer the many [...]

Teamwork Explained

2008-11-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

Original: Teamwork Explained

Buying Viagra

2008-11-27T06:30:00.000-08:00

Original: Buying Viagra

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The pharmacist said “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said “That’s all right. I [...]

Crisis time present

2008-11-26T04:42:00.000-08:00

Original: Crisis time present

What Am I Doing?

2008-11-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

Original: What Am I Doing?

The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, “Do you understand what I am doing?” “Yes,” the patient answered. “You’re checking for dermatological abrasions. “Correct,” the doctor lied. Next, he fondled her [...]

Confession

2008-11-24T05:49:00.000-08:00

Original: Confession

Lisa was on her deathbed, with her husband John at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “John,” she said quietly. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “John,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There is [...]

Blonde at the Casino

2008-11-23T05:57:00.000-08:00

Original: Blonde at the Casino

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude. With that, she stripped from the [...]

Funny Answering Machine Messages

2008-11-22T04:18:00.000-08:00

Original: Funny Answering Machine Messages

Hi. Now you say something. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t [...]

Doctorâs Diagnosis

2008-11-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

Original: Doctor's Diagnosis

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die.” 1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2. [...]

World in danger

2008-11-20T04:43:00.001-08:00

Original: World in danger

Good News - Bad News

2008-11-20T04:43:00.000-08:00

Original: Good News - Bad News

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now we’ve caught you and we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we’re going to use your skins to build [...]

Get me a Beer

2008-11-19T05:19:00.000-08:00

Original: Get me a Beer

Keith comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and [...]

The New BMW

2008-11-18T04:29:00.000-08:00

Original: The New BMW

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my new BMW!!!”, [...]

Military Courage

2008-11-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

Original: Military Courage

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, “My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces.” “Ha!” said Army, “My men are the most courageous and I’ll prove it.” Army calls a Private over from the tower. [...]

Football Try-Outs

2008-11-16T05:32:00.002-08:00

Original: Football Try-Outs

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a [...]

Romantic 1st lines - Deadly 2nd lines

2008-11-16T05:32:00.001-08:00

Original: Romantic 1st lines - Deadly 2nd lines

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, [...]

Hold my beer

2008-11-14T05:13:00.002-08:00

Original: Hold my beer

Some Maths Tips That Will Make You Mad

2008-11-14T05:13:00.001-08:00

Original: Some Maths Tips That Will Make You Mad

The Genie

2008-11-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

Original: The Genie

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through the [...]

Easy Money

2008-11-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

Original: Easy Money

This woman had just gotten out of the shower when her husband went in. Suddenly the door bell rang, so she put on a towel and went downstairs. When she opened the door it was the next-door neighbor Rob. “I’ll give you $500 if you’ll drop the towel,” Rob said. So she dropped the towel, grabbed the $500, then [...]

Everyday jokes

Tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai

Sexy elephant figure

Monica and the Genie

Funny Jokes: Lawyer jokes collection

Jokes for the Ladies

Indian and the Ventriloquist

50 Ways to Appreciate Life

Restoring her youth

Thanks Doc

Good Reasons To Be A Single Male

Bull Talk

The Telepathic Watch

Marketing Style : Learn from a Marwari

Different Treatment

She Wants What He Has

Proud father

Biblical one-liners

Hypothetical Question

Manâs best friend

Best bar in the world

Sharing Hotel Rooms

7 Shots of Vodka

The 12 marriages

Signs that you may be a drunk

17 Things NOT to say to a Cop

AMERICA: Passing the Blame

14 Lawyer Quick Jokes

The Gasfather

New Excuse

Fatherhood

25 Phrases Men Canât Stand to Hear Women Say

What Would You Like To Hear When You Are In A Casket ?

The Coke Machine

A-Z Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

You Canât Make An Alcoholic Quit Drinking

40 Things Youâd Love To Say Out Loud At Work

40 Reasons To Never Leave The House

Swimming Competition

What Do You Expect From A Blonde Kidnapper ?

Weird American Laws

10 Ways to Make Your Neighbor Move

Choices, choices

Legally Blonde

CIA test

Might As Well

Question & Answer About Lawyers

Why Tech Support Hate Their Jobs

How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket

I need it to poison my husband

Top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus

Santa Claus Jokes

Actual School Excuse Notes

The Morning After

The Mistress

Thatâs Bull

Young Secretary

Some Amazing Bumper Stickers

Tricking a Nun

Any Objections

Sleeping Katie

McDonalds Job Application

Software VS Hardware - Microsoft Vs General Motors

The student, the businessman and the biker

The Talking Clock

Old People Football

Real Quotes From Court

Too Good to Eat

Pet shop

Technical support

Pet shop

Christmas Mail

Dying Irishman

Office Chair Cum Toilet

Grandmotherâs Dating Advice

Funny Quotes By Famous People

Drug Trial

Teamwork Explained

Applicants For Mars Trip

Manâs best friend

25 Phrases Men Canât Stand to Hear Women Say

You Canât Make An Alcoholic Quit Drinking

40 Things Youâd Love To Say Out Loud At Work

Thatâs Bull

Grandmotherâs Dating Advice

Doctorâs Diagnosis